So, it begins. My first blog. I find myself at a crossroads in my life. My youngest daughter is 17, I’m going through transition as a MTF Transgender person, I’m disabled, and so damn lonely.
It is surprising to me, the loneliness. I never anticipated it. I have been perfectly content in the few friends I have. I am a private person, with enough issues of my own, with no desire what so ever of burdening another precious person with those issues. I was semi-happy. (I almost stopped writing just now. Really, who gives a crap?).
I am so desperate for a friend that I joined 2 penpal websites this evening. It’s like I’m sending out a prayer to the universe, begging someone, anyone to like me. Just to be my friend. I have an insane image in my head of myself on my knees to strangers in the street, begging them to please, just like me. Remember what Sally Field said when she won the Oscar? “You like me, you really like me”, in such a sweet, endearing way that made it sound like she was actually surprised that she was liked, and her amazing work had been appreciated.
I have finished watching all the available episodes of “Offspring”. It is a dramedy (is that spelled correctly?), about a neurotic, obsessive, controlling woman who is a gynecologist by profession, and could be defined by the need to be the fix every member of her family. She has so much love to give, and is so confused by what life brings her. I’m in love with her a bit. My God, if you haven’t seen it, check it out. Outside of the Australia, you have to watch it on Netflix or Hulu…so worth it. I cry just thinking about it. I did a strange thing, by asking an actress from the show to allow me to be a penpal. I mean, who does that? Some weird American just out of the blue, on twitter, asking to be able to write to her.
I’ve been married twice. The first to my high school sweetheart, the second was a colossal mistake. A huge error in judgement. With the first, I was blessed with 5 children. Tragically, my third child died at 3 months old. My second blessed me with my youngest daughter, who I have custody of, and has made me so proud to be her parent. The youngest is out of state right now, visiting her mother, and it shocked me to the core to realize how much I miss her. So much so, here I am writing a blog with no hope of anyone reading it. Never the less, here I am.
So, that’s it for now. I’ve written all I can think of. Knowing me, however, I’ll be back in a few hours with more things to write about.
Thank you, reader, for reading. Leave a comment if you wish, God, please don’t be mean.