So, now, we’re passed panic

The latest blog, called “Panic” was about my childhood, and an example of an evening with my dad.  It was brutal, and I tried to be as honest as I could.

To all of you who now have a real bad impression of my father, let me assure you, now, that he’s no longer drinking, has apologized many many times for what he had done.  Looking back on it as an adult, though there is no excuse for the behavior, I can at least understand what he was going through at the time.  I wasn’t the only one who was miserable.

He has married a wonderful woman, named Char, who loves him wholly and unconditionally.  She is a strong, fierce, proud woman, gentle in words and thoughts, and able through her strength to bring out the very best in my wonderful father.

They don’t live too close to me, which I feel bad about, but we speak, but not as often as we would both like.  The conversations are still a bit stilted, as we’re still trying to feel our way around our past experiences and bring ourselves to the present.

I love my dad, he’s a hero to me.  His ability to change, to recognize what he’d done wrong, to make amends, and to not let guilt rule his life, and move on and be truly happy.  Who am I to not forgive?  I love him.  He’s an amazing man.

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2 thoughts on “So, now, we’re passed panic

  1. This was quite profound and I am so glad you have come to terms and recognize that he is not the same man he was so long ago. All of us at sometime in our lives wished we could pick different parents. What we couldn’t understand was that beyond being our parents they were also their own individual selves with their own individual issues, Your Dad loves you and always has, and you are right, you were both living a miserable existence. It took a great realization on his part and even greater hope and courage on his part to make that change. I am so blessed that I was a small part of that; small because he did all the changing because he wanted a better, happier life for himself. He understood it would mean a happy life for us together. I am so proud of him and thankful I was there every day to tell him he is a wonderful man and so capable to give and receive love. He has done a lot of crying during his new life, and he realizes he cannot go back, only forward. He has tried every day in every way to make you and Tony see that he is so, so sorry he let you down and to let you both know how much he loves you. Please make sure that going forward you and Tony try to understand he only wants to be a part of your lives and as mortality marches on he hopes there is enough time to experience that reconnection. I love you…..

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